My partner and I recently formulated a barometer for analyzing (guessing), how good another relationship is. It's not meant to be that serious or some kind of "if you don't have this, break up" type thing. But I think it's kind of neat.
The bar is pretty simple: If the couple can publicly disagree about something inconsequential and it doesn't ruin the vibes, that's a solid relationship and typically a fun couple to be around.
By "inconsequential" I mean things like: what the best dish of the night was, whether the music at the club/bar/restaurant was good, what pizza toppings we should get, etc.
By "not ruin the vibes" I simply mean that the disagreement happens, right in front of you, and then everyone moves on. No awkward silences, no "drop it please" or "we'll discuss this later". Nobody else feels compelled to change the subject and neither person in the couple feels compelled to simply change tune and agree with their more adamant partner. Don't misunderstand me; all of the strategies above are great conflict avoidance tactics, but the fact that they would have to be employed for something that - objectively - shouldn’t really lead to meaningful conflict in the first place is a failing grade on the 'test'.
If this sounds like a low bar that's because it is. But think about how many couples you know that don't always clear it.
In a deeper sense, my partner and I agree that this is just one (sometimes funny) way of determining if the couple in question are also friends with each other rather than just committed to each other. Think about it, you don't agree with your real friends all the time. You don't feel the need to suppress or change your true opinions on small dumb shit just because they disagree. One person goes "I think Marvel is the greatest movie studio to ever exist", the other person goes "you're fucking trolling me right now" and we all have a laugh. If that cannot feasibly happen between a couple, they may not be that fun on a double-date.
Also yes typical caveats about mood, sensitive topics, past disagreements we don't know about, triggers etc etc. I said this was for fun ok? I'm not a psychologist.
_ _ _
Thoughts? Send me an email!
kagumail.uselessly535@passinbox.com
Feel free to remain anonymous and send it from a secure mailer!
